Is It Getting Better, Or Do You Feel The Same?

To Where You Are

Artist – Josh Groban | Lyrics – Richard Marx and Linda Thompson

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you’re there

A breath away’s not far

To where you are

It has been over 7 years since my father passed away and it feels like it was yesterday…but also a lifetime ago at the same time.  I have said that I live in an alternate universe since he’s been gone; nothing is the same, and nothing will ever be the same.  I think about him from time to time, there are reminders of him everywhere.  He left his imprint on this world, not just in the hearts and minds of myself, my sister, and our families, but in the many many people he helped over the years (he was a therapist too), and those he worked with. He entrusted in all of us, the promise that we would move on, better our lives, and try, as he did, to leave this world better than it was.  

It has been a tall order, I’m not going to lie…Although I understand the responsibilities of being an adult, sometimes I don’t wanna be an adult!  I want to complain to my dad!!

It isn’t like I need a lot of “adulty” advice but he was always the one who had the answers; right, wrong, or otherwise, he had the answer.  Now I have to be the one with all the answers and I am finding that I don’t have them all.  It seems like a waste, all that information he had is gone forever.  I try to think of how he would’ve handled certain situations or how he solved that dilemma.  Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t, but I try and learn from it. 

~Food for Thought~

 “Psychologists have clinically observed that overly prolonged grief in the bereaved usually signifies a poor relationship with the one who died.” 

― Robert E. NealeThe Art of Dying

How is one supposed to move on after losing someone?  That’s the $20,000 question, isn’t it?  The first answer simply is “You just have to” You need to continue living your life and making it the best it can be; knowing that life is fleeting…you need to pass on what you have learned to the next generation (whether or not you have children).  “You need to enjoy each day as if it was your last”, you’ve heard that one before I’m sure.  Well, you know what? Sometimes that is just impossible to execute, sometimes I just want to do nothing and let the minutes and hours tick away.  I mean, what is the point of all this anyway? They’ll find their way, they’ll move on just like I had to, right?  Maybe, but why leave them so much uncertainty when their lives are just starting out?  

What if I was able to provide some guidance or direction that I wasn’t given by my father.  Maybe I DO know the answer, maybe I just need to keep working on myself, improving my quality of life, and passing on whatever I know while I can for as long as I can.  There has to be some meaning to life and the only way to find it is to move on and move forward.

~Food for Thought~

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” 

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Today I reflect on my loss as I mourn the loss of a very close friend of my father’s. This man not only shared the same passions as my father and myself but also had a zest for life in general. He was very active right up until he was hit with a stroke. It came out of nowhere and stopped short any and all plans for the future…just like that. He left a tremendous legacy behind in all that he has touched but also left a void that can never be replaced. How does one prepare for this? Can you really prepare for this? Whether you are the one who has died or the one who is left behind, there really is no way to properly prepare for this inevitability. That is why it is so important to make the living days count, no matter how big or small. Live each day to make it better than yesterday.  And although this day gives me pause, I know tomorrow I will pick up where I left off and live life the best way I can.  

“The only way out is through” 

― Robert Frost

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