Why Men Need to Talk About Mental Health This May

May is Mental Health Awareness Month — and I want to use this moment to speak directly to the men in our community who are carrying more than they’re letting on.

There’s a version of strength that a lot of men have been raised to believe in — the kind that doesn’t ask for help, doesn’t admit to fear, and certainly doesn’t sit across from a therapist and talk about feelings. It’s a version of strength that looks solid on the outside, but quietly costs a great deal over time, not just mentally and emotionally but physically as well.

This Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to challenge that idea, not because struggle makes a man weak, but because suffering in silence does not make men stronger.

Men Are Struggling — And Most Aren’t Getting Help

Anxiety and depression are among the most common mental health conditions in the country, and men are not excluded from them. What men are largely excluded from, unfortunately, is receiving treatment.

Research consistently shows that men are far less likely than women to seek mental health care, far more likely to go undiagnosed, and far more likely to die by suicide. In fact, men account for nearly 80% of suicide deaths in the United States. These are not abstract statistics. They represent fathers, sons, brothers, partners, and friends; men who were suffering in ways that were both real and treatable.

So what’s standing in the way?

What Anxiety and Depression Actually Look Like in Men

Part of the problem is that anxiety and depression in men often don’t look the way we expect them to. The cultural image of depression — someone who can’t get out of bed, who cries openly, who expresses hopelessness directly — describes one presentation, but not the most common one in men.

For many men, anxiety shows up as:

Constant irritability or a short fuse that seems disproportionate to the situation
Difficulty sleeping, or waking up at 3 a.m. with a racing mind that won’t slow down
Persistent physical tension: tight jaw, stiff shoulders, headaches, a knot in the stomach
A need to stay in control of situations, plans, and people to manage an underlying sense of dread
Avoiding things: social events, difficult conversations, new experiences
Feeling restless, on edge, or like something bad is always about to happen

Depression in men frequently presents as:

Increased anger, frustration, or aggression, particularly toward the people they’re closest to
Withdrawing from relationships, hobbies, or activities that used to matter
Turning to alcohol, cannabis, work, or “doom scrolling” on phones to numb out or stay distracted
A lack of motivation; getting through the day, but not really living it
Chronic fatigue and physical complaints that don’t have a clear medical explanation
A nagging sense of emptiness, purposelessness, or being stuck, without being able to articulate it as “sadness”.

These presentations are easy for men to rationalize away. “It’s just stress”. “I’m just tired”. “I’ve always been like this”. “I’m not depressed!” But these are often the ways that anxiety and depression announce themselves in men, and recognizing them is the first step toward doing something about them.

The Stigma That Keeps Men Silent

The reluctance men feel about seeking mental health help is not imagined, and it doesn’t come from nowhere. It is the product of decades of messaging, from families, from peers, from culture; that ties a man’s worth to his ability to handle things on his own.

Boys are told not to cry. Men are told to toughen up. Vulnerability, in many of the environments where men are raised, is treated as something to be ashamed of, embarrassed by, or defended against. By adulthood, many men have become so skilled at suppressing emotional distress that they’ve lost the ability to name what they’re experiencing, let alone ask for help with it.

And then there’s the practical concern: what will people think? Will my partner see me differently? Will I be seen as less capable at work? Will my friends know how to handle it? These fears are understandable. But they are worth examining, because the cost of avoiding help is almost always higher than the cost of asking for it. I have worked with many male clients over the years and they all share this perception they not only should be able to handle what they are going through, but telling somebody they are struggling, or seeking help for it will result in having to turn in their “man card”.

What Getting Help Actually Looks Like

Therapy is not about being broken. It is not about weakness. And it is not about spending hours crying while someone nods and takes notes.

For many men, cognitive-behavioral therapy, the approach I use at Space Counseling, is a practical, goal-oriented process. We examine the thought patterns that are fueling anxiety or feeding depression. We identify the behaviors that are making things worse. We build concrete strategies that translate into real life, at home, at work, in relationships. The operative word here is “WE”. Therapy isn’t something that is done to you, it is a collaborative process between the therapist and the client.

Many men who come to therapy are surprised to find that it doesn’t require them to become someone different. It requires them to understand themselves better, and to develop more effective tools for navigating the challenges they’re already facing. It requires them to challenge those perceptions, and make practical lasting changes.

The work is real. But so are the results.

A Tool We Use to Support the Process: Alpha-Stim®

Therapy is the foundation of what I do, but it doesn’t have to be the only tool in the room. For men dealing with anxiety, depression, and related symptoms like disrupted sleep and chronic tension, I also incorporate Alpha-Stim® as an adjunct to the therapeutic process.

Alpha-Stim is an FDA-cleared, drug-free medical device that uses a technology called Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation (CES) — delivering a gentle, microcurrent waveform through small ear clip electrodes to help modulate the brain’s electrical activity. The treatment is non-invasive, painless, and can be used in as little as 20 minutes. For many people, it produces a calm, focused state that complements the cognitive and behavioral work we do in session.

For men in particular, Alpha-Stim can be an appealing option. It is concrete, evidence-based, and works alongside, not instead of, the practical strategies we develop together in therapy. It requires no medication, no significant time commitment, and no dramatic lifestyle disruption. It simply helps reduce the physiological noise: the racing thoughts, the physical tension, the sleeplessness, that can make it harder for the therapeutic work to take hold.

Research supporting Alpha-Stim spans decades and includes use with military veterans, first responders, and civilians managing anxiety and depression. If you’re curious whether it might be a good fit for you, we can discuss it as part of your overall treatment approach.

I have been using Alpha Stim for years with my clients. It has helped them to relax, think clearer, sleep better, and improve their overall outlook. I have even used it myself from time to time!

Learn more at alpha-stim.com.

You Don’t Have to Keep Carrying It Alone

If you’ve been pushing through anxiety that never quite lets up, or moving through days that feel gray and without meaning, or snapping at your family and not knowing why, those experiences are worth taking seriously. Not because something is fundamentally wrong with you, but because you deserve to feel better than this.

Mental Health Awareness Month is a good time to ask yourself the honest question: Am I really okay? And if the honest answer is no, or even “I don’t know”, that’s enough to take the first step.

Reaching out is not giving up. It is, in fact, one of the most direct and courageous things a man can do.

Scott H. Pace, LPC, LCADC, CEAP, ACS has been providing compassionate, evidence-based counseling to individuals and families in Monmouth County for over 20 years. Space Counseling serves Colts Neck, Freehold, Marlboro, Manalapan, Tinton Falls, and surrounding communities — in person and via telehealth for Delaware residents.

📞 732-535-7173 | Request an Appointment at spacecounseling.com